To commemorate how I've been playing and running lately, I decided to dedicate this blog post to...  CRAP.

DoubleFly's Law of Crap:

House by Water + Living in Sparsely Populated Area + Huge Lawn + Local Geese = Tons of Crap

We have some friends coming coming over for a BBQ today.  I just spent a part of my Saturday afternoon picking up goose crap off of my back lawn.  The bag was like like 3 POUNDS!  I don't know if you've seen goose crap, but it's the size of a Cheeto.  Think about how many Cheetos it takes to make 3 POUNDS!  This is one of those things you never think about when you move out to the suburbs and buy a house.  All we thought about when we bought the house was that the view and setting were awesome (later post).  Unfortunately, the local geese think the same thing.

I'm pretty sure if someone told my parents that their eldest would be regularly picking up crap off a lawn, we never would have immigrated here.  The previous owners had a owl statue that was supposed to scare them away.  Apparently we were supposed to move the owl around every so often so the geese think it's a real owl.  The owl blew over one day in the wind and we forgot about it for a few weeks.  Well, the geese figured out what we did and came back permanently to take vengeance craps all over the lawn.

Someone mentioned that a golf course superintendent buddy of his sprays the course with some grape extract to repel the geese.  He suggested using grape Kool-Aid because it has the same active ingredient but is much cheaper.  So I sprayed my lawn with the grape Kool-Aid.  Apparently, the local geese love Kool-Aid, because they came back with some friends.  If this was a cartoon, they would have knocked on our door and said "Hey Fly, got any more Kool-Aid?"

I realize people who own dogs in cities pick up animal poo all the time, but at least (most) dog owners actually *like* their dog.  You may be saying to yourself, "Don't you have two sons?  Sons = free pooper scoopers."  Yeah, I suppose Mrs. Fly and I could sit on our adirondack chairs in the patio sipping our glasses of wine while we supervise our kids cleaning-up the poo.  As bad a parent as I can be, I'm not having my kids pick up goose crap.

We hear having wolf decoys on the lawn is pretty effective, so that's what we're going to try next.  We'll see - but I'm not holding my breath.  I'm pretty sure that between the geese and the squirrel in my attic (later post), I'll be like Bill Murray in Caddyshack.  If the wolves don't work, it's going to get personal.  And rather than try to shoo them away, I'll be looking at some nice goose dinners.  I never really got why Bill Murray became so crazy at the end of the movie, but I think I'm beginning to understand..