The Poker Gods can kiss my ass!!! Literally the instant yesterday's post went up, I went into a 6 buy-in downswing over 6K hands that was just mind-numbing - my graph was a straight line going down.  Like nothing I did was right - no preflop shoves, no value bets, no bluffs, etc.  Aagh!

But it inspired me to write this primer on the poker gods, as many of you may not be students of poker mythology.

POKER GODS 101

Oddsin.  The Father of all Gods.  He sits on his throne on Mt Doom and surveys all with his evil eye, making sure doom and gloom is spread across the poker land.  "Odds" is the supreme power in poker.

Bluffa.  First (and former) wife of Oddsin.  Her main source of entertainment is having players run into the top of any opponents' range on a bluff.  Also does most of the cooking, cleaning, etc. around the mountain.  It's a big mountain.  Sadly, Oddsin was a nit and she grew tiresome.  But not before giving birth to the...

Flippa Twins - PreFlippa and PostFlippa.  Oddsin spent countless hours raising the twins and grooming them to be the next generation of leaders in poker land.  Oddsin's pride and joy.  Well, at least until PreFlippa kept telling him his belly was soft.  Good thing there's a spare to that heir.

Coola.  Second (and current) wife of Oddsin.  Oddsin met her at a BBQ when she was 8+ months pregnant with The Runna Twins (see below).  He was so memorized by her beauty that he transformed himself into a swan and crapped all over her lawn to get her attention.  Then Coola got a quadriplegic coyote decoy that worked for a while, but Oddsin was too persistent.

Runna Twins - TurnRunna and RivaRunna.  Individually, their powers are meh, but together their powers are great.  They bump fists and yell "Runna Twins powers - activate!" and your set (along with your hopes and dreams) get crushed by the Runnas.  Okay, well actually, TurnRunna is a lazy POS (I mean what kind of lame-ass power is turning yourself into water?!?) and just rides on the coat-tails of RivaRunna.  Among any siblings you're going to have the one that doesn't quite pull his share.

Oversetta.  The only daughter of Oddsin and Coola, she takes joy in turning the most common powerful hand into crap.  Coola spent countless years honing her daughter's powers.  Oversetta also spends quite a bit of time with her step-siblings, the Runna Twins, perfecting what she calls her "two outer" and the even more powerful "one outer."

CardDeadius.  Gay brother of Oddsin.  Every family has one and the poker gods are not immune.  Strangely, CardDeadius is not flamboyant - he just sits around and does nothing all day.  Nothing!!!  Rumor is...  he suffers from a horrible case of E.D. and has a problem with unsatisfactory flops.

Riverectomus.  Non-gay brother of Oddsin.  But ever since the unfortunate shower incident with CardDeadius, he has gone into self-imposed exile in the underworld and pops out only to crap on you when you least expect it.  His greatest (and only) joy is throwing sudden and shocking defeat at apparent victory.

Your Poker Gods... breaking mouses and keyboards across the poker community.

I wonder what could be behind so much evil power...  who stands to profit?